Growing up, it's terrifying.
Yoshua: To quote one of my favourite songs of all time, 'your eyes must do some raining if you're ever gonna grow.'
Grace: grow into what? I don't even know what I'm going to grow into. Isn't that why you cling to childhood? Because you don't know what you're going to grow into and you don't want to leave the safety net of not growing up?
I've managed to hit some weird middle ground where I'm NOTHING.
Yoshua: Grow as a person, I think. Develop into the person you're supposed to be. I feel it just means that figuring out your identity (our crisis at hand) isn't supposed to be easy, and you're allowed to hurt along the way. That it almost HAS TO HURT along the way.
But you're totally right about growing up, it's terrifying.
Could you perchance explain what you mean by being nothing?
Grace: It's like, in my mind I've outgrown childhood, I'm still scared to let go of it though because adulthood is like a dark foggy forest that is drawing me in. But even though I don't really want to let childhood go, it's slipping, it's practically out of my grasp. And if I turn my head I know that I'll never be able to look back again. So I've closed my eyes - I can't keep them closed I know that I have no choice but to take my first few tentative steps into adulthood. So I'm trying to hold onto this middleground where I'm not one nor the other because I don't WANT to move on. But it's not stable ground, it's falling away too and so all I can do is panic. I don't want to go into the rest of my life blind, but I don't know what will happen if I open my eyes, and in a way I don't know how to open them.